One of life’s lessons learned by my daughter is that I followed through with my promises and punishments for the most part. When she first arrived to live with us, her car that we purchased for her graduation present was still sitting in our garage. It took $2800 dollars to bring the vehicle back up to selling standards. I tried returning the vehicle, but I was going to lose nearly $5,000 on the lease on top of the money I spent to get it back up to new again. The 1999 Saturn had less than 3,000 miles on the car. I finally found an older lady that was looking for a Saturn and she decided to take over the lease from us. She was extremely thrilled that I had this vehicle for sale. As for me, the pain still lingered down deep of what happened. My daughter tried on several occasions to ask me to give her a second chance. Unfortunately, I had to play tough love with her. Having spent time in a Mental Hospital, breaking my left hand, and all the other crazy shit she put her Mom and me through during those 6-8 months, the answer was NO!! What most parents understand but children don’t get, it hurt me as much as she felt hurt. I struggled a lot over the next year. My weight was going back up. My love for food never ceased. It was always my go to, especially when I was stressed about something. Between my weight issues and now taking all this anti depressant medicine along with anxiety medicine, my weight continued to creep up. I was back up over 400 lbs. again. It almost seemed like a pattern. When every thing in my life was clicking positive, I was able to lose weight, but let one major issue cross my path, I would be back to my old habits of eating and drinking. I was starting to develop my own pattern of lies. I was always wanting to be more than the man in the mirror. Sometimes I often wonder if my Compulsive Behavior with Food and Gluttony contributed to the 6 other Deadly Sins of Mankind.
After my daughter was beginning to get her life together again, we decided to help her find a place of her own. She was 19 years old getting ready to turn 20. Just before her birthday, we found a cute 1 bedroom apartment for my daughter to rent. It was not very far from the Lowes Home Improvement Store she worked at as a Cashier. She was beginning to do extremely well in her job and the store manager decided to move her into the Paint Department at Lowes. Along with this new promotion came Insurance and more money. If I remember correctly, my daughter was making $9.95 an hour, which was pretty good in 2000. As for college, she talked about going to school, but her priorities and discipline were not that of a college student. At the time, I still believe down deep she never forgave me for leaving her Mom. I never practiced what I preached. I always felt guilty for divorcing her mom and leaving. I promised myself I would never do to my child what had been done to me – My Parents Divorcing?? For the longest time, I blamed myself for her some of her juvenile actions. I often dwelled on this matter and all it did was caused me to find my best friend, which you might have guessed, was Food. Having said that, food and I never argued about one thing. If anything, Food was comforting to me.
After getting her settled into her new apartment, I still managed to help with some finances and groceries, but overall, she was doing pretty well on her own. I would either visit her at the store or she would come over to our house to eat dinner. A lot of times we would cook extra so all she had to do was microwave her dinner when she got in from work. She started meeting several other friends. She would hang out with different friends at Lowes Home Improvement as well as those at Waffle House. She started dating several different guys, one in particular was a guy that worked at the Waffle House as a Grill Master, fancy for Cook. We had actually dined there a couple of times over the next few months just to meet him and see what type of individual my daughter was dating. He was always polite and would come by our table and make conversation. he dressed well and drove a nice car. This seemed to be a breath of fresh air to us.
Will to Live – Anger, Greed & Envy – Part 42