After more CT Scans of my entire body, it was recommended that I begin Chemo as soon as I possibly could start due to the fact that the cancer was spreading throughout my body extremely quick. I was diagnosed with 5 different type Cancers within one tumor, which is fairly common for Testicular Cancer. The main culprit in my body was Choriocarcinoma. This was one of the fasting spreading cancers of the 5 different cancer markers that were in my right testicle. I was seriously depressed. My daughter Karen was only 18 months old. At home, Jane said things were becoming very difficult to make ends meet. I was placed on sick leave at my work. I decided to wait a bit before starting Chemo. All my doctors were disappointed with me. It was a decision I made with my wife Jane and my mom. I just needed a small break in between all these surgeries. After dealing with my fear issues, I became quite Angry. I was MAD at the World. I was MAD at God. I was a real asshole. Yes, I was feeling a bit sorry for myself and rightly so. Jane was trying to work and take care of our 18 month old daughter. I was on sick pay, which was only paying me about $125 dollars per week. My hospital bills were mounting up each and every day. I was still in so much pain from the Staples and Bands holding me together. For once in my life, I was not dealing with being a glutton. As a matter of fact, I was hardly eating. I didn’t want to eat. My friend John really began to step up to the plate bigtime. John would go to work all day and after work, he would go home and visit with his wife and come to the hospital to relieve Jane so she could go home and take care of Karen. What a friend. My other friend Pete would come to the hospital with his wife Melanie. The only request I had from him was Charmin Toilet Paper. The hospital brand was like wiping your ass with sandpaper. My Mom, Aunt and Uncle were also frequent visitors. Unfortunately, I could NOT count on many visitors. As time went on, those I named above were my only visitors. When my so called friends found out that I might be dying, they would tell others they wanted to remember me like I was. Damn, I wasn’t even dead yet!! I had not even started Chemo. I was just trying to get my strength back in order that I might begin Chemo. So between all this BS that was going on, you can probably understand why I had some anger issues. Over the next month, I nicknamed my best friend John, “My Booty Podnah”, that’s Coonass for Partner. John was a such a dear friend. If I would have accidentally soil myself, he would clean me up without even calling a nurse. I ask any of you out there in this world today, how many Booty Podnah’s do you have?? The answer and not even close — probably none!! Pete’s mom and dad were true gems as well. They actually helped Jane and I monetarily. They would provide diapers and formula along with $70 per week. Ms. Marie and Mr. Horace did this for exactly one year – 52 weeks non stop. I was Humbled and Blessed to have the close family and friends I had during this very difficult time in my life.
Will to Live – Full Anger Mode – Part 18