Will to Live – Lust & Pride – Part 66

After my visit to Houston in early September, I began to think about and reevaluate my life a lot. My friend in Houston had always made me feel very good. It didn’t matter if it was an e-mail, a Facebook post or just a quick phone call, we always ended our calls with Love You to the Moon and Back.  After her time spent with me in Saint Petersburg, FL and my visit to Houston, I decided to ask her if she wanted to move in with me. I felt comfortable with her and she had what I needed at the time, a sensitive heart and a great ear. She was a very good listener. She was about two years older than me, but had a very sweet smile. She never looked her age at all. After she talked things over with her 3 daughters and her girlfriend, she accepted my offer to come live with me in Saint Petersburg. I decided to buy a one way ticket to Houston to help her pack and move her clothes and a couple of her personal things she had collected over the years. She was living between her youngest daughter’s home and a good friend. I was slowly falling in love with her. So once I got to Houston, I rented a U-Haul truck and we drove back to Florida over the next 3 days and 2 nights. Due to her Ovarian Cancer, we were not able to very intimate except for kissing and some light petting. She was still healing from her ovarian surgery. Before she moved in to live with me, I had gotten rid of the office furniture I had purchased for my fiancé  and purchased a very beautiful second bedroom suite for guest. I was hoping one day my daughter or other close friends would come visit me in Saint Petersburg, FL. I told her she could have her own bedroom and we could just be great close friends sharing each other’s company like we had been doing for the 3 or 4 years I had known her. Well after about a week staying in the guest bedroom, she asked me if we could to start sleeping together in my room. She said she didn’t want to sleep alone. I totally understood myself. She was still a bit scared and nervous about having ovarian cancer. I totally agreed with her. I never liked to sleep alone myself. As a matter of fact, I hardly remember too many nights sleeping by myself. I was married to my first wife for 17 years and my second wife 3 days shy of 14 years, so after 31 years of marriage,  sleeping alone only occurred while I was traveling on a business trip.

She was a very opened minded lady. She didn’t mind me going out to have drinks, smoke my cigars and mingle with my other friends out on Tierra Verde at Billy’s or Smugg’s. She just asked me to let her know where I was going and when I would be coming home, etc. She was not into the drinking scene. I did introduce her to a few my friends. Once when I was out at Billy’s, I got introduced to a very attractive younger lady. I was told by a few of the wait staff and mutual friends that she stopped by a few times during the week for a quick cocktail and visit with her girlfriend. whom was in Real Estate too. At Billy’s, they had music starting every evening about 5:00 PM and a brother and sister act called Hologram, that would entertain on the weekend. The one thing I noticed about her, is not only was she absolutely beautiful, but that this girl could dance. OMG, look out world, she had more moves on a dance floor than anyone I had ever witnessed before. except for maybe ballroom dancing. In my typical fashion, I offered to buy her a drink, which she accepted, but down deep I could tell she didn’t really like me. She even told me once before that she thought I was an asshole!! I just kind of laughed it off and backed  the hell away from this situation. Unfortunately I had to laugh at this comment. I already knew I was an asshole, but I wasn’t ready for anyone to come out and tell me. I did take a liking to her, but it was a bit too late. I was falling in love with my Houston friend and I wasn’t going to continue screwing up my life. I would see her two or three times a week between Billy’s or Smugg’s. One thing about folks on the island, they were creatures of habit. The same people sat on the same bar stools, drank the drinks. The crowd typically switched over about 8:00 PM. Over the next few weeks, I started to visit Billy’s and Smugg’s more frequently. Like I said before, she had no problem with me going out at night. I was beginning to drink more and more with my friends I had met out on the island. I guess you could say I was smoking too much pot and drinking too many shots of Tequila. I was a full blown alcoholic and party animal. But I always came back home to her, whom was always sitting up to make sure I got in safe. I actually thought this was pretty neat to have a girlfriend that didn’t mind me partying with my friends. I think she was just happy to have her dog Mozart and a place she could call home. She wasn’t destitute by any means, but since her cancer treatments, she liked the change of scenery. She would take long walks with her dog Mozart and enjoyed the Pier District.

Well one afternoon, I got crazy and took the diamond I had given my fiancé and decided to ask her to be my fiancé. I know this sounds crazy, but I really liked the fact that I could have someone love me, yet not mind that I went out at night with my friends and never asked questions. So on a visit back to Houston in late September, in a nice restaurant that she chose, I sat behind a Piano and played her a few love songs. She had tears in her eyes. The timing was perfect. At that very moment, I decided to get down on one knee and asked her to be my wife. She was standing there somewhat speechless, but nodded yes. I think we were two lost souls that were both desperate for someone to love us. She felt she lost her womanhood from the cancer and as for me,  I was going through women faster than I could honestly keep up with. She loved the ring I had bought for her and at the time, that was good with me. I just used the same diamond I had given my other fiancé , but had a local jeweler place it in a simple setting.  She was happy and so was I. Over the next few months, my life begins to get even more crazier!!

Will to Live – Anger, Lust, & Envy – Part 67

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